Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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