There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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