Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
