this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You can't special order awesome
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
either way he was missing a nipple.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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