Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
should my penis look like a turkey
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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