i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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