I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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