I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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