I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
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