Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
