this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
