Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
