Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
