Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
