I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
