Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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