you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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