What tipped you off? The sombrero?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
