we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
