All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
