I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
