Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
