You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
