How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
