Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
