If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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