Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
