im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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