I love black thongs
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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