a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
