i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
