dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
whose ass print is on the piano?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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