i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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