I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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