i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
