I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
