remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
