guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
