Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
