A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
