I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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