If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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