You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
