I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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