Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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