My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
