he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
