What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
