Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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