I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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