We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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