I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she told me i tasted like america
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
