sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
