White coat. Heels.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
