You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
