Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
