I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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