I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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