Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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