So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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