in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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