i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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