Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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