Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
