im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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