I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize