You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
